My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet-Pea, it’s daddy. I really need a Jessie hug. I was doing so good for the past five weeks then last night I had a dream that I went to answer the front door and it was you. We both just stared at each other and then the dream was over. No words, no smiles nothing. I don’t think it was some message or a visit from you. I think it was my mind playing tricks on my heart. Sometimes our minds can do that…sounds crazy but it’s true. Our minds are so powerful and sometimes not fully aligned with our hearts.
So Jessie, today I miss you like it was the day after you went to Heaven. Mommy and Shaya left for the swim meet and I just lost it. Tears stream down my face as I type. Thankfully JT is still sleeping so he won’t worry about me. It’s me and the dogs. Moe is laying on my feet. I just want you back and our family restored.
Jess, it seems my heart hurts most when we are just about to advance your mission in big ways. Maybe that is it. Maybe I just think about how many times in the next few days I’m going to be sharing your story and it elevates my emotions. I’m heading to Portland today to team up with Nike, Elite 11 and some amazing courageous kids. We are putting on a fun little outing at Nike to encourage kids to NEGU. I get to talk to 18 of the best high school QB’s in America tomorrow night as they stuff JoyJars for the kids they will meet on Saturday. I’m going to tell them all about you and challenge them to be competitive on the field and compassionate off the field. I’m going to tell them, “what you do on the field defines “what” you do…what you do off the field defines “who” you are!” Then on Sunday I leave for Sacramento to kick off the NEGU for Kids California tour where we will encourage over 3,000 kids in 14 Children’s hospitals ending in San Diego in one month…all thanks to Anthem Blue Cross. They are amazing!!! Some day we will do the National NEGU for Kids Tour and visit all Children’s Hospitals…that would be great!!!
So Jessie, today I miss you like it was the day after you went to Heaven. Mommy and Shaya left for the swim meet and I just lost it. Tears stream down my face as I type. Thankfully JT is still sleeping so he won’t worry about me. It’s me and the dogs. Moe is laying on my feet. I just want you back and our family restored.
Why did you have to get cancer? Why God? Why? Why did an innocent little girl who truly loved you and others needs to leave this world so soon? I’m sure you hear that many times God from parents like me. I know life hurts and you heal but this level of grief, sorrow, loss and numbness is sometimes unbearable.
Jess, it seems my heart hurts most when we are just about to advance your mission in big ways. Maybe that is it. Maybe I just think about how many times in the next few days I’m going to be sharing your story and it elevates my emotions. I’m heading to Portland today to team up with Nike, Elite 11 and some amazing courageous kids. We are putting on a fun little outing at Nike to encourage kids to NEGU. I get to talk to 18 of the best high school QB’s in America tomorrow night as they stuff JoyJars for the kids they will meet on Saturday. I’m going to tell them all about you and challenge them to be competitive on the field and compassionate off the field. I’m going to tell them, “what you do on the field defines “what” you do…what you do off the field defines “who” you are!” Then on Sunday I leave for Sacramento to kick off the NEGU for Kids California tour where we will encourage over 3,000 kids in 14 Children’s hospitals ending in San Diego in one month…all thanks to Anthem Blue Cross. They are amazing!!! Some day we will do the National NEGU for Kids Tour and visit all Children’s Hospitals…that would be great!!!
I’m going to take this picture of us with me during my trip so I can feel you hugging me and giving me strength to stay strong and fight for all of your peers. I promised you I would never stop and I won’t!
Miss you SOOOOOOO much…love you to the moon and back…see you in a wink!
xoxo,
daddy