My Jessie Journal:: From Aunt Kimmy.…………..
Hi Sweetie – I hijacked your Daddy’s Jessie Journal this week …..
I tell you every day that I love you, I just wish so desperately that I could whisper it in your ear again. I guess that writing to you is my attempt to whisper it to you. T and I miss you and love you with all that we have.
People ask us how we are doing and I never knew that such a simple question could be so hard to try to answer. The truth is that I don’t know. There are some days that I just can’t breathe and I simply don’t understand why the world hasn’t stopped. There is this emptiness that is almost palpable. But what you gave to us is just as powerful as the pain we have.
I can’t say that I miss loving you because I will love you every minute of every day for the rest of my life. But, oh how I miss being able to love on you – I miss hugging you, kissing you, holding your hand, giggling with you, playing games, baking, late night tv and movie watching, painting nails, braiding your hair, beanboozling people……the list of what I miss is endless. Thank you for giving me so many things to miss.
Thank you for the happiness you gave us all – the joy, the laughter, the love, the insight, the generosity, the strength, the vision beyond your own needs. There is just so much I want to thank you for……
I deeply miss how much you loved us. My heart would just sail when you would turn to me and hug me ever so tight – your smile, your sweet voice, your twinkling eyes filled with pure bliss – you made me feel like the most important person in the world. For this I thank you.
Our hearts are broken without you and I don’t quite see how they become whole ever again – but, because of you, those same broken hearts are bigger and more equipped to spread and share your message of hope and love. For this I thank you.
The love that we all have for you is immeasurable. It is this deep love that makes every day without you so difficult. But is it also this love that provides us the strength to carry on for you, to share your spirit and to strive to make a difference in our lives and the lives around us. For this I thank you.
I wish I could tell you all of these things and so, so much more.
I also wish I knew what to do for your mommy, daddy, sister and brother. I see in their eyes and hearts how much they are missing you, how much they are hurting. You would know what to do. I will just do my best to love them and be with them in times of missing you and in times of celebrating you.
All of us – your mommy, daddy, sister & brother, Nana & Papa, T & me – are lost without you but I know you will guide us through this, the most difficult journey of our lives. I know we will all be together again, and while that seems unbearably far off, we will do our best to live in your light until then. I love you sweet Jess. xoxo, Aunt Kimmy