My Jessie Journal…Hi my little Sweet Pea…it’s daddy. I miss you so darn much. I will say that for the rest of my life because it’s true…I miss you! I also “love” you more than words can describe. You are my daughter. You are my Jessie. You are part of me and I’m part of you. You are my Sweet Pea. Non of this is ever really going to change until I see you in Heaven. It’s just the life I live now. A life of silent pain and joyful moments.
Speaking of joyful moments, I saw this saying on Twitter and thought of you…“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.” That is you Jess. You didn’t sit and sulk and wait for the storm to pass…you danced by spreading hope, joy and love to your peers fighting cancer. That same love is being shared daily in your memory. Thank you for dancing in the storm of cancer. I know it was not fun for you and some days it felt like the thunder and lighting were unbearable…but you were so strong. I remember all the radiation treatments where you had to have your head bolted to the table…you never once complained. You danced! I remember the 100+ needle injections into your frail arms, which you hated but you still danced! I remember the chemo trips and the pain you had but you danced! I remember the chocking episode that caused you not to eat for a while but when the doctors said you really needed to eat solid food you did and your danced! I remember the talk about heaven and seeing your lower lip quiver and tears dripped down your face…you didn’t panic or crumble…you danced!
Thank you so much Jessie for dancing in the biggest storm of your life…I’m not a very good dancer but I’m learning day by day to dance as this dark, cold and windy storm tries to drowned me with grief. As I dance I always look forward to the moments when the clouds separate and the sun shines through…those are rays of love from above that warm my skin, calm my heart and renew my joy. The old song…”The sun will come out tomorrow”…is so true. The sun will always shine no matter how big the storm and how bad of a dancer I am. Keep sending the sun Sweet Pea.
I hope you are still dancing Jess! I promise to keep trying down here as the storms roll in & out…I miss you tons and love your more.
Hugs and kisses…
daddy