My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet-Pea. I wish I could report I’m doing “good” but after 3 weeks of “ok” the 
realities that I can’t see/hug/hold/kiss you came rushing in like the hurricane waves hitting the east coast this week. They hurt…They come fast…They won’t stop…They leave me feeling “flooded” emotionally…They leave a reminder of their presence like a scar.
Last night I took JT out to get candy with some friends and got flooded by an even bigger wave when I looked over my shoulder and shouted…”Look both ways Jess”. It was like you were there but you weren’t=(. Just a daddy’s broken heart still trying to protect his kids crossing the street at night. That wave has not even left my mental walkways…i’m still feeling it’s impact. Kept me up most of the night. Wishing I would have saw you when I looked back. All I thought about was this picture because you sought me at a refuge to your waves of pain. What an honor to be there for you. I just wish I was.
My counselor said these moments would come and I need to walk towards my feelings/fears. Honestly I just want to run away from them so my heart stops hurting but then I think of you & your favorite verse (Phil. 4:13)…and think I can too can do this with Jesus & for JESSIE. You are my hero Sweet Pea and daily motivation. NEGU has become such a way of life for me. NEGU is a great grieving motto. What other choice do I have? Give up…NOT! Give in…NOT! Give out love…YES!!! Just like you taught me=).
Please visit me soon Jess!
xoxo,
Daddy