My Jessie Journal:: Happy Valentines Day Sweet-Pea!!! We love and miss you so much. It was 
hard for Shaya not having you here on her 16th birthday. She loves you and misses you so bad. She wanted nothing more in life than to be a role model to you. It breaks my heart to see her in such pain. JT still wants to “face-time” with you but he knows he can’t. Then his eyes fill will tears and pain. Mommy and I have gotten use to the flow of pain in and out of our hearts. It’s our new normal. I cherish this picture of us so much. You allowed me to comfort you in a time where the pain was so high and you just wanted it all to stop. I will always hold this deep in my heart…you comforted me in my pain too.
I have been thinking a lot of about the old statement, “no pain…no gain”. I used to tell you when you would get discouraged with a hard swim practice that there is no gain (dropped time) if you don’t push through the pain of the practice. If I didn’t have the pain of being abused as a little boy I don’t think I would have gained the compassion for others hurting that I have. Some times in relationships we need to work through the pain to conflict to gain deeper levels of love. So I guess I agree in the “no pain…no gain” phrase.
Then there are those moments of pain like March 3, 2011 when we were told you had cancer. The pain was so intense that the “gain” was not visible or understandable. It just flat out hurt. As we approach March 3, 2013 the pain is still there but the gain is coming into focus. You had lots of emotional and physical pain during your 10 month fight but you gained “Heaven”. You gained a healthy body. You gained to be with your Heavenly Father. In the big picture that is amazing. The world gained too…JoyJars and NEGU. They had not existed according to Google before you created them. So far 50,000 kids fighting cancer gained too…hope, joy and love from you and in your name.
I don’t know what “gain” there has been for Mommy, Shaya and JT. Time will tell. For me the gain has been a new passion for hurting kids/families. We don’t do all of this for ourselves or for you…we do it all for the kids. We model what you even said to the CBS reporter when she asked, “Why don’t you make this all about you?” Your statement was so remarkable, “Because that’s not what it’s all about.” You were so wise. So brave. So strong. So inspring. So loving. So determined. So joyful. So amazing!!!
I hope you enjoy lots of chocolate today as you run, play, swim and be a healthy 13 year old girl.
miss you tons, love you more, see you in a “wink”. I promise!
xoxo, daddy