My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! Love and miss you so much!!! The rollercoaster called grief has been taking some dips and turns lately as I think about you and the increasing acceptance of the reality we live in. The other day I had to drive past the place they took your body after you took your last breathe in our home. I don’t drive that way to often so it hit me like a ton of bricks. The last time I was in that building was with your aunt Kimmy. She wanted to see you one last time so we drove there together on January 6, 2012. It was important to your aunt and I’m forever grateful she had that time with you. I stayed in the lobby and waited. I remember it was super quiet and some old pipe organ music played. Kimmy said you looked “peaceful” and “beautiful”…we cried and drove home. I hadn’t thought about that experience for a few years and then you drive by one building and then memories, smells and sounds come back. My rollercoaster took a big dip that day and left me in some “fog” for a day or so. I can’t even describe how much I miss you…it’s so big, so deep, so emotional how much I want you back. Some days I feel I “need” you back so I can get off this rollercoaster but I know that isn’t going to happen. I’m on this thing until I see you in Heaven.
One of the things that helps the rollercoaster slow down and steady out is your “smile”. I miss that a ton too but it also replaces painful memories with happier ones because you were happy. Like this picture…big smile…happy! I hope you are happy in Heaven. I know you are but there are days I wonder…it’s hard for me to relinquish my role as “earthly daddy” to your “heavenly father” but that is how this all works. I had the honor of being your earthy steward (along with mommy) for those 12 short years…years I will forever cherish and forever cry over.
Love you Jess!!!!
xoxo
daddy
