My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! It’s actually raining here this morning, which seldom happens. The dogs love going outside and playing in in. Those crazy four legged fur balls. Mr. Moe would still go to your room every day if we let him. I just know he knows you are no longer here and not coming back.
We took out annual family photo at the giant Christmas Tree in Fashion Island. Always bitter sweet as it was such a tradition all 5 of us did. This picture was the last one with you. Shaya and JT have grown up so much now. I sure wish I could see how you have grown. I know one thing…you are beautiful!!!
The rain falling reminds me of the TV special that was on recently. It was a outdoor concert of Garth Brooks, who I’m a big fan of. The concert was on NBC and played in the football stadium at Notre Dame University. You could tell it was raining outside as everyone was in parkas. Anyway, the last song was a famous one called The Dance. As he started singing it, my only human rain drops started to roll down my face. I had no idea this was going to happen but it struck me…I will never be able to have a “father daughter dance” with you. That SUCKS!!! I honestly don’t know if I had thought about that before. I know I was never going to walk you down the isle but I don’t think my mind ever made it past that point. Then I thought, I would never be able to stand in front of you and your husband on your wedding day and give you a toast and blessing for your new journey together. All of this was so surreal. I had just wanted to watch Garth sing and then I find myself in my own puddle and missing you.
Right after that song a St. Jude commercial came on and I was able to focus back on my mission…spreading joy and serving families. It also reminded me that they are the only hospital that doesn’t help us spread JOY to the thousands of kids they serve. Such a bummer! Maybe some day!!!
Anyway, have I told you lately how much I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU=))) I know…silly daddy! I tell you that 20 times a day. I do love you so much and miss you multiple times a day. There is a giant picture of you at the JoyFactory that I walk by many times each day so “you are there with me”. I also love when the phone rings and I hear a volunteer say…“Jessie Rees Foundation, how may I help you…”
Last week when Kobe Bryant brought is girls basketball team in to stuff JoyJars he asked… “How do you do it?” I asked, “What?” He said, “All of this.” I said, “For our family there is no other choice…we have to use our lives to help others.” He said, “I honor that.”
Jess, I simply don’t know where I would be as a father and husband if it wasn’t for you leaving us a mission. I don’t know where we would be as a family if you hadn’t asked us to help every kids NEGU. You knew we needed something to hold on to while we grieve and move forward. Thank you so much!!!