Jessie Journal

My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I love and miss you so much. As you can see from this picture we finally mustard up the energy to take a new family photo at the beach. The last time was with you six days after you were diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have to admit I felt guilty standing there in the sand smiling but I also knew it was the right thing to help Shaya and JT continue to move forward. Every time we take pictures of the four of us I just want to stop and say, “We are a family of five”.

Thankfully your amazing mommy brought a pair of your flipflops to the beach and we placed them in pictures. No one really knows why mommy was holding the flip-flops but we did=). When Shaya and JT were taking their individual pictures I was holding your flip-flops and touching them like I used to rub your feet. I could see each of your toe marks and it made me, in some strange way, feel you. Your toes created those marks because you always wore those flip-flops. I have never been so happy to hold and rub a pair of sandals before.

Jess, I love you so much and miss you so much. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to stop the cancer and help you. I know there is a bigger plan but I truly wish this was just a nightmare and I could wake up to a family of five!

See you in a wink!