My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy. For some strange reason I wasn’t able to sleep well last night and have been thinking about writing to you since 3:37am…that was when I first looked at the clock. I tried to fall back to sleep several times but my mind just wouldn’t stop thinking about you and how our entire lives forever changed 6 years ago tomorrow. March 3rd will forever be seared into my soul. I’m going to write tomorrow about how I recall that day but today I’m just anxious. I even feel my body racing as I type this note to you. That could be from the coffee too=)).
Jess, I miss you so much!!!! I think about you several times a day. I love you with every ounce of my heart and soul. I’m so sorry cancer invaded your body and I couldn’t stop it. I want you back so bad but know that won’t happen. I stare at pictures of you and think about what you would look like now. I went to JT’s first swim meet last weekend and thought about how you would be a senior and one of the stars of the team. I will never hear, “The winner, in lane 4, Jessie Rees.” I hear it in my mind as I sometimes pretend that you are still here and I call your races. I love this picture of you swimming. Takes me back to a time in my life where I didn’t live with massive pain.
The other day, I was driving to a meeting but in my mind I was pretending to teach you how to drive. Then we had a pretend talk about boys and going away to college. I so wanted to have those conversations in real time but cancer robbed all of that from you and us. Dang I hate cancer so much. It just sneaks in without notice and sucks the life out of kids and their families.
I am thankful you left us with a clear mission, message and motto. Your little NEGU motto get’s me out of bed every day. I can’t give up…that’s not in the cards. I have to hold on to HOPE and do everything I can to share your story and spread your JOY to kids fighting cancer. I LOVE being your daddy!!!!
Blowing you kisses Sweet Pea…I hope you get them!
xoxo,
daddy