My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy and I’m really missing you. JT started high school swim team this week and every night I have gone to pick him up I have seen one of your friends walking out to their car. You would be a senior on the team this year and it just keeps hitting me each night I go and seeing the realities of you not here. Then there was the opportunity to write a “congratulations” ad in the swim program for seniors. Again…kick in the gut!!!!
Then I think back to February 2011 and the symptoms you started getting….dizzy, headaches and blurred vision. This picture was taken before your diagnosis. Little did we know that all of those would lead to March 3rd being told you had cancer…not just any cancer but an inoperable and incurable brain tumor. Hearing we only had 12-18 months with you was incredibly painful. No parent is ready to hear those words.
I just want you back and our family back to the way it was so bad. This nightmare gets exhausting to live through and the weight of the loss sometimes is so heavy and causes you to mentally just want to give up. Don’t worry Jess, I’m not going to give up…just tired or missing you…seeing mommy in such pain and watching Shaya and JT have to navigate missing you in their own ways. The super sad part about this is there are thousands of families that live with the same feelings and everyday 7 more families start their journey of pain due to childhood cancer.
The other thing that is hard for me is asking for money. It can be so exhausting as I hear “no thank you” way more than “would love to”. I used to think people were saying no to you, but I have come to realize that isn’t the case. The start of each year is always tough due to people donating at the end of the previous year. If the Big Guy can send me any wisdom on raising funds for your foundation that would be greatly appreciated.
While you are at it, please ask Him to send me wisdom on finding celebrities and professional athletes to help kids fighting cancer NEGU. We have a super cool program launching this summer that allows celebrities and athletes to encourage thousands of kids and it takes less than 1 minute of their time. I just need to find celebrities and athletes that would like to encourage kids to Never Ever Give Up. Any help He has that would be great too!
Well, it’s time for me to take JT to school. Jess, I’ll talk to you later today when I’m at the pool waiting for him. I sure wish I was picking you both up today!
Missing you so much my stomach hurts but I hold on to HOPE and can’t wait to see you again. In a wink!!!
xoxo
Daddy