My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I sure miss you and there are still days I hope you will walk back in the front door from your long trip. I so wish that would happen then…my heart would be healed…my soul would stop hurting…my mind would stop blaming and our family would be five again. I hate cancer so much!!!
I sure hope you are good…you will be 18 soon…wow! That is hard for me to think about…wonder what you look like. I’m sure you still have those amazing blue eyes, tan skin and blonde hair. Are you still swimming? What are your favorite foods now? Who is/are your best friends? Do you go to school in Heaven when you get there before you turn 18? We really never got to talk about… “What do you want to be when you grow up?” So many thoughts…so many questions.
I was speaking to a group of 6th, 7th & 8th graders yesterday about you and they had questions about you and why you created JoyJars. That seems to be one of the most common questions I get, “What made Jessie want to help others and create JoyJars?” I believe it was your faith and knowing that giving is always better than receiving. Some will give mom and I credit, which I really don’t think is “why”. You just always had a concern for others at school, church or the swim team.
I also spoke to a class of 1st graders…that was fun! They asked all sorts of crazy fun questions. The one that hurt me was a little girl asking… “Will I get cancer like Jessie?” I so wanted to look her in the face and say NO!!!! So I told her chances are you will not. I was playing off the percentages and hoping not to scare her.
I also had one of those kick in the gut moments this week…I was going to get the vacuum out of the hall closet and as I was pulling it out I noticed the inside of the door. The door with all of your height marks that we used to take of you, Shaya and JT. The last one was dated 2011…dang that hurt. Cancer never let you grow past that last mark on the door when in reality if you were still here you would be taller than that mark.
I just stood there with my hand over the “mark” and information next to it….I don’t think I was trying to hide it…rather recall when we put it there and seeing you under the mark on the door. You always loved to see if you had grown any when we measured you. It’s so crazy to me how a tiny black ink mark on the inside of a closet door, with a date and name by it can cause such pain.
This picture was taken close to the date on the door so I can at least visually remember how talk you were at that time.
I miss you tons and love your so much! I can’t wait to see you…yep, “In a wink”.
xoxo
daddy
