My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s Daddy! I sure hope you had a celebration last Sunday. Christmas was bitter sweet for all of us but we did our best to think of you, laugh about memories with you and eat food you loved. Thankfully someday we will all be back together as a family of 5…that’s great news!
One of the hardest parts was at church on Christmas Eve…the service was ending and we starting seeing Silent Night. A lady in front of me left at the start but returned to her seat with her two little kids…a little boy and little girl. The little girl was only 2-3 years old but it was you in so many ways…blond hair, all dressed up, hugging daddy tight and signing…in seconds I could remember do the exact same thing with you many years ago on Christmas Eve. She really did look like a mini Jessie!
When she grabbed her daddy’s face and kissed it…I started to cry as I watched them interact and sing…but I knew it was a reminder of the great love we shared for 12 years together and now 5 years apart. It was the best gift I could have ever gotten on Christmas!!!!
Now we all mentally prepare for January 5th and the day that will forever be seared into our souls with the greatest amount of pain we have experienced today. I hope we never have to experience anything close to that day ever again. 5 years still feels like 5 seconds in so many ways. I’m typing at the same computer and location as I did on Jan 5th when we had to tell NEGU Nation you had moved to Heaven. Wonder what 10, 15, 20 years is going to feel like? I’m sure much like 5 years feels like. I really don’t believe I will ever forget 4:30am on Jan 5th when mommy woke me up and said she couldn’t wake you up…I don’t think I will ever forget holding you and telling you I love you…I don’t think I will ever forget the nurse saying…her heart has stopped…so many things I just can’t fathom forgetting even though they turn my eyes into waterfalls. It’s just the deck of cards we have been dealt and we will never “fold” them…we will always “hold” them close and play them to help others.
Thankfully before the 5th comes the 1st….you loved New Years Day and all of the cooking and hanging as a family. So that is what Mommy and Shaya have already planned…lots of food…lots of family time…and yes, lots of football for me=))).
Mommy, Shaya, JT and I will always think about you…always love you… always hold you close in our hearts…and most of all…we will never forget YOU!!!!!
xoxo,
daddy
