My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! How are you doing? I so wish I could get an answer from you….it sure would do this daddy’s heart well…that isn’t going to happen so I have to keep the faith and trust there is a plan to all of this. A plan that some days leaves me in tears and others leave me with great anticipation of seeing you again.
I was wondering “what” you look like now. I was watching the TV crime show and they were taking a child’s photo that had going missing years back and trying to make a drawing of how the person would look today. That would be so cool in some ways to do and some ways super sad. The cool part would be knowing. The sad part would be the “slap in the face” that it’s just a drawing and not really you.
I did search the internet for some sort of program I could use I just couldn’t act on it…I just don’t want to face the realities that you are now 17 and I have missed all of that time with you. Then I think what it will feel like when you are 27, 37, 47….wow, that pain feels like it’s going to be intense. So I will choose to hold in my heart, mind and soul pictures like this one. Although cancer was impacting your body you were so beautiful, chose to smile, full of joy and trying to kick it’s butt.
Jess, you were so strong when I felt so weak. You were so joyful when I felt scared. You were so kind when you had the right to be selfish. You simply were and ARE amazing to me…Every day I get some sort of note, email, or see a post that talks about how your JoyJars or NEGU message intersecting with a child or family at the time they needed it most. That is so incredible to think about…parents and children you will never meet on earth are thanking you for being selfless during your weakest moments. It’s your selflessness that drives all of us to find ways to “cure bad days” while the other foundations strive to cure cancer. I can’t wait until they put us out of business…that will be a great day!
I’m going to try my best to keep the faith today, focus on this picture of you and look to cure some bad days in your honor.
Miss you tons…love you way more…see you in a “wink”….Promise!
xoxo
daddy
