My Jessie Journal:: Hi, Sweet Pea…it’s daddy. I hope you are doing good. I sure miss you a ton. The reality of “Five” years is starting to kick in and then I think what will 10, and 20 years feel like. Ouch! That seems so painful and so hard to comprehend. So I will press the rewind button today to when you were here and I could talk to you, touch you, kiss you, hold you and tell you “I love you”. Those are the things I miss so much…your voice, your skin, your presence.
I so wish you were shaving my head today like you did 5 years ago. Radiation had ended and the chemo was starting to cause your hair to thin. So in an effort to make you feel that having no hair was “ok”…I decided to cut all of mine off and allow you to shave my head. I just wanted to try to ease your fear of having no hair. I remember you saying you didn’t want to loose your hair and my heart sunk.
Thankfully for a moment you didn’t think about your hair…as you cut my. You thought it was the funniest thing ever to use a razor with shaving cream on my head. I remember kneeling on the floor of our bathroom as you giggled and soaking in your voice, your giggles and your simple touch. In my head I knew the days were clicking away but my heart didn’t want to accept it…it was this giant tug-a-war in my body….my head saying “get ready” and my heart saying “I just want to love her today”.
WOW…that sure stirred up memories and got the tears going. Dam I miss you…I’m going to stop for today. Just know I love you more than words or feelings could every describe. I miss you so much my body aches and I can’t wait to see you again.
You are forever MY sweet pea!
xoxo,
daddy
