My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet-Pea…it’s me! I love you so much Jessie and think of you countless times a day. I’m sorry for taking you for granted the 12 years I had with you here on earth. I wonder how deeper our love could have been if I would have invested in you more during those years. Something I will never know but think about from time to time. I’m my hardest critic and some times give myself “thumbs up” and some days I have to give myself “thumbs down”. But I’m trying and that to me is all I can ask of myself…try to get better as you make the world better. That I can do!
Speaking of making the world better, JT has started listening to the old Michael Jackson songs. It’s so funny to hear songs that I loved listening to now playing in his room. Songs like Thriller, Billy Jean, Beat It….the list goes on. One songs that made me think of you was Man In the Mirror. The song is about a person choosing to make the world a better place. Here are some of the lyrics…
“I’m gonna make a change
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right.”
“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.”
Jess, that is you. You decided to make a change the moment you asked mommy and I…“How can we help them?” As I was thinking about you I started to wonder…was the “mirror” a real motivator for you? You hated what cancer was doing to your body, your hair, your skin, your teeth, your image. I never asked you this, but maybe part of your desire to care for others fighting cancer was to help them feel special, valuable, lovable and beautiful no matter what the mirror said. Maybe you know if they got special gifts stuffed in a jar from a complete stranger they would feel loved instead of alone. I wonder how much the “mirror” did motivate you.
No matter if it did or didn’t….you didn’t wait for perfect conditions to make a change in your world. You decided in the worst of times to use your life to bless another’s. Like your chemo buddy Bella from CHOC. I just love this picture of the two of you. I recently saw her and she misses you tons. Thanks for making a change in her life too Jessie.
Going against the current of life and choosing to make a change is a beautiful thing in so many ways. The world would be such a better place to live if people truly choose to use their lives to make a change in the life of one person. It’s not the size of change that maters…it’s the desire to make it!
Thanks for making a change Sweet Pea! Now it’s time for me to take a look at myself and make a change too.
Miss you tons…love you more…see you in a wink! Promise!!!
xoxo
daddy