My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I love you so much!!! You remember that song we used to sing when you were little…“The Wheels on the Bus go round and round…round and round”? I changed the words to, “The grief in my heart goes up and down…up and down.” This rollercoaster called “Grief” just seems to never stop…it goes up and down…side to side and loop to loop. The hardest part is you just never know when it will turn or dip. Yesterday I was looking at pictures of you and I was feeling good but then I clicked to see the next one and all of a sudden the rollercoaster went down super fast and turned back and forth on me…all I could do is cry and I held on for the next turn.
This was the picture. I have no idea why it sank my heart but it did. You loved laying out in the sun and swimming in the pool…cannon balls and pencil dives were two of your favorites. I loved nothing more than to help dry you off and then cuddle in the chair as the sun warmed my skin. Those were special days that will forever be seared into my soul. I’m looking at the pool right now as I type…the sun is starting to reflect off of it and the water is still…there are birds chirping but overall the morning is quiet.
I really wish my grief could be still and quiet for a season…that would be nice. Maybe someday it will happen. One thing for sure is I’m never going to stop looking at pictures and thinking of the past and our time on earth together.
I miss you so much…love you tons more…see you in a wink! Promise!!!
xoxo
daddy
