My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I know you know that but I love telling you that I’m your daddy. Yes, it’s super selfish but it’s a title I will forever cherish. You like the picture I selected for today? I have always loved this one as you were so happy and loved playing that “sooooo big” game.
I miss you so much and wish you were back so bad but as we both know that isn’t going to happen until I see you in Heaven. Please make sure you keep my room close to your room so we can hangout=).
Speaking of Heaven…my counselor asked me last week to read The Shack again. So I started reading the book and watched the movie. It’s a story of a daddy that loses his daughter due to kidnapping and loses his trust in God at the same time. Like the father in the book, I still have a ton of questions for God when I see Him. I also have times that I “take the wheel” instead of letting Him. I think this is pretty natural but I need to stop wrestling and start trusting more and more. I still wish I just knew “Why, He needed you more in Heaven than with us on earth.” This is where “trusting” comes in…I just wish I was better at it. I will keep pressing on and doing all I can to find “peace in my pain”. Thankfully I can following your example of being a blessing to others vs being bitter at life. That always amazed me about you!!!
Speaking of YOU, a little boy started a library at CHOC to help the patients have something to read. He said he did it because you inspired him. WOW! We were also at dinner the other night and this nice man walked over to us and said…”My family would like to take care of your bill.” We were like…”Who are you?” He went on to share how he knew about you, his family knew about you and they had also delivered toys to the JoyFactory. That family blessed us so much that night…all because of YOU, Sweet Pea!!!!
Guess where mommy, Shaya, JT and I are going today? The Ellen Show. Yep, she is celebrating her 60th birthday and is filling the audience with people who show kindness to others. WOW…I hope I get to meet her. We had a Skype call with one of their producers so maybe your story will actually get to Ellen. We are just honored and humbled that we get to be part of this special celebration and it’s all because of YOU and your kindness.
YOU inspire me, YOU inspire mommy, YOU inspire Shaya, YOU inspire JT and YOU inspire so many others. I thank God I get to be “your daddy” and carry your mission forward each and every day.
I know you never wanted this about YOU…but it’s the only way I can make sense out of everything and do my best to trust God has a plan in all of this pain. In my selfish daddy heart…you were an Angel sent by God to earth to live for 11 years but start a massive wave of love, joy, hope and compassion for kids fighting cancer. That is what I hope He tells me whenever I meet Him. Until that time, I’m going to be selfish and think that is why you left us way to early.
I miss you so much…I love you tons move…I will see YOU in a wink! I promise!!!
xoxo,
daddy
