My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I love this pic of us from our very first golf tournament back in September 2011 when you wanted to so something for Childhood Cancer Awareness month. I can’t believe we are having our 5th in a few days. This year we are also doing our 30 Days of Joy campaign and JoyMobbing kids across the US each day. It’s so fun to “mob” these kids on your behalf.
Have I ever told you how much I love writing to you every Thursday morning? Sometimes I still get up at 4:30 in the morning and think back to January 5, 2012 when this nightmare started. I walk in your room and still feel you in some crazy way…maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me but I truly do feel close to you in various places.
I feel close to you when I’m with your puppy Mr. Moe. He is such a cuddle buddy and just knows when you need his presence. He is such a sweet doggie. Speaking of sweet doggies, I hope you are having fun with Hank. Aunt Kimmy and Uncle T miss him so much. He was like one of their kids and a special connection to you. Please take him for walks and give him lots of love. Now you have Bruin, Kobi and Hank. You always loved your doggies so I’m sure you are feeling well loved by them.
Another place I feel close to you is when I see a child holding one of your JoyJars on Facebook. Every smile takes me back to your smile. You just loved taking your JoyJars to CHOC and seeing the kids smile. I remember that first time we delivered them and a nurse asked for one for a little girl just getting admitted to the oncology clinic. After you saw your doctor we were walking out and looked through the door and heard the little girl say…”Look mommy. It’s Hello Kitty”. You beamed with pride and just gave me a “high-five”. So amazing to think about how I’m now the one that beams with pride. You have forever added JOY to the harsh landscape of childhood cancer.
The other place I always feel you is when someone tells me they had followed you or how your NEGU message has gotten them through a tough time. I felt you in a big way last night when this amazing lady, who works for this super foundation that supports kids causes here in OC, told me that she followed your posts when you use to write. Then she shared about her hubby fighting cancer and tears dropped from her eyes…I gave her a couple “Jessie hugs”. Then I felt this prompt in my spirit to give her my NEGU bracelet. I had worn that for years but it was time to pass it on. We all need extra doses of “hope” some days and I just felt like you telling me to give it to her. She was super thankful and we parted ways. I prayed for her and her hubby this morning. Cancer sucks no matter what age and the cure people need to figure this stuff out soon.
These are some of the bigger ways I feel you Jess. The other big one is writing to you each week. Some people tell me to “get over it” and one person told me on Monday that I need to “grow up”. I don’t take it personal. They have no idea what journey I’m on and I truly think they just wanted to rob me of joy that day. I might stop using Facebook to write someday but I will always write as long as I can see paper and hold a pen. I just love to check-in and tell you how things are going. I really have no idea if you do see these but this daddy chooses to believe in some way you do. It’s my little way of staying connected to you while we are apart. Dang it…tears are flowing and it’s getting harder to see the screen so I’m going to clean myself up before my 7am mtg.
Love you so dang much…miss you to the moon and back…see you in a wink Jess!
xoxo
daddy
