My Sweet Pea…it’s daddy=). How are you? What have you been up to? Dang I wish we could talk. I miss our “talks” and hearing your voice. I love watching the videos we have on file of you talking…just does my heart so well. Others say I should stop…I will never do that. I love you…you are my daughter and while you are gone for a season…I will never forget you. Sure a part of my heart and soul is missing and some days it hurts really bad but while I press on…I hold on. Hold on to memories, hold on to voices, hold on to hope…that is all my heart can do.
One thing that I miss a ton is hearing you say… “Daddy’s home”. For some reason, you always knew when I was coming in the house and your would always shout out…“Daddy’s home”. It’s crazy how I can still hear you saying it…the ability to remember you, your voice, your touch and your smell is such a gift from God. I still go into your room and smell your clothes.
It’s been 3 years and I still can smell you. I’m sure you think that is really weird…it’s part of my journey. Not a journey of depression or despair…a journey of hope, joy and love. Hope that I know I will see you again….joy in each one of your JoyJars and love in helping others in the trenches of childhood cancer. That is what I LOVE doing and someday I hope I can work for your foundation fulltime. Maybe someday that will come true. It would be so cool Jess. No matter what, I will always live with hope, stuff your joy and love those in need. You paved the way and made it easy to follow. Just wish we were doing it together like we did for those 10 months. We had some great conversations about school, church and cancer when we stuffed JoyJars together each Monday in the JoyFactory…our wonderful garage.
Another thing I miss is your dimples…look at this great pic of you when you were little. You and that heart warming smile and dimples. You were always so happy…dang it~ Tears are starting to flow…I was trying to get through this journal without any. Then it just hits me and I can’t stop them. Tears of love…I’m not calling them tears of sorrow. I’m done with that. They are simply tears generated by a deep love for you.
I could write for hours but I think I will stop so this liquid stops dripping off my face.
I miss you tons…love you so much…will see you in a wink. I promise!
xoxo
daddy