My Jessie Journal: Hi Sweet-Pea, it’s daddy. I miss you so much. Sunday marked 16 months since I 
last kissed your face. I would love to kiss your face again=). I would love to do a lot of things but non of them are possible. It’s hard to live in the moment and think about the future. When I think about today all I do is miss you, cry and want you back. When I think about 40+ years to see you again it sucks. I still wonder, why…but any parent would. It’s the human side of our hearts and minds…wanting answers and to control the situation.
The truth is, I took “life” and being your daddy for granted. I just assumed you would be here. I assumed you would be getting ready to graduate from 8th grade and start HS. I assumed you would go to college. I assumed you would fall in love and I would give your hand in marriage to an amazing young man that, like you, loved God and wanted to make the world a better place. I assumed I would teach you “street smarts” and how to maximize your strengths and passions. I assumed I would hold your kids and tell you how you are an amazing mom. I assumed so much.
Now all of that is gone and all I have left is memories and empty dreams. Such a strange place to be. So the only thing that works is to keep your legacy of love moving forward and make the most of each day with mommy, Shaya and JT. Some days I feel I take them for granted too. People say that there is a higher percent chance that someone else in our family with get cancer but I’m not going to live in fear. You could of lived in fear and rather you focused on spreading hope, joy and love to others hurting. That is what I need to do. Make the world a better place by focusing on spreading hope, joy and love to others hurting. That seems like the right thing to do. So I will do it and think of you every step of the way. You have forever changed my life Jess…for the good even when it hurts so much you want to throw up. Some days I get tired of the pain in my soul but it keeps me focused so I have accepted it. Somehow God must think that I can endure this pain and turn it into gain for others. I ask Him for strength each day.
Jess, I will forever miss you and think about you. I will forever wonder if you are “ok” until I see you again. I will forever hate cancer. I will forever have an ache in my heart. I will forever cry when I see your face and hear your voice on videos. I will forever long to hold you. I will forever long to cuddle with you. I will forever long to kiss your face and see your smile. I will forever help kids fighting cancer Never Ever Give Up!
Miss you tons, love you more and will see you in a “wink”.
xoxo,
Daddy
PS: i love this picture of us right after I baptized you. You came out of the water and reached out and hugged me.=)))