My Jessie Journal: Hi Sweet-Pea! What a week it’s been. Full of highs and lows. The high was being 
at the CNN Heroes Awards show and seeing you recognized for caring about others. The CNN Young Wonder recognition has helped being in more kids needing JoyJars and children’s hospitals wanting them. We are now in 202 Children’s Hospitals Jess. All because of you!!! Then I got to go to the Cox Communications Christmas Tree lighting party and talk about you. The great thing was…they already knew about you and loved what you created. Then I went to hand out your JoyJars with the President of Anthem Blue Cross, your buddy Kaitlin Sandeno and Nick Punto from the LA Dodgers at a local hospital. Jess, you created something super special sweet-pea. I just hope and pray resources come in so we can do it a 2nd year. There are still 200,000 kids we have not reached and 46 new kids a day. Thankfully, lots of amazing people have said they will be signing up for Jessie’s JoySquad, which will be a great way to spread more joy to girls and boys next year.
The low was yesterday when my phone told me it has been 11 months since I last held you. Then I went and looked at the picture of mommy holding you in those last moments and then I just exploded with tears. I was thinking I was getting better but seeing you and knowing what cancer did to you just hurts my soul like nothing else. I miss you so much. The other low was decorating the house for Christmas and seeing your box of special ornaments. We decided as a family to put all of your picture ornaments on the tree this year. Speaking of trees…mommy went off the motto “go big of go home’. It’s 14 feet and is massive. We could camp under it. Moe loves it. Mommy wanted it big so you could see if from Heaven=))). I wonder if you celebrate Christmas in Heaven. I wonder who will give you presents. Sometimes I wonder if you are alone. Then I realize that God is good all of the time and He is your true daddy. I’m just your earthly daddy…but I still love you so much. Think about you 100’s of times a day and want nothing more than to see you again…just not in 40 years.
Jessie, thanks for teaching me how to laugh and truly love others. I admit somedays I can be too serious and selfish but then I think of you and in the midst of your greatest pain you decided to give to others in need. I want to be more like you. More caring. More loving. More smiles like the one in this pic. Thanks for also giving my hand a squeeze on those days you just knew I needed reassurance everything was going to be ok. It was like you were telling me, “i’m right here daddy”. I guess that is what hurts so much is I can’t grab your hand anymore. I still look in your closet, smell your clothes and look at pictures but “touch” is so powerful. I’m so thankful God gave mommy and I your amazing sister and brother…I hold their hands now and think of you.
I miss you tons…love you more…and will see you in a “wink”…I promise!
xoxo,
daddy