My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea…I can’t believe in just two days we will be celebrating your 18th birthday. I love this picture of you so happy!!!!
The sad fact is we have celebrated your 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and now 18th birthday with out you. Dang cancer sucks! Why did this have to happen to us? I so wish there was a giant red “rewind” button I could push and we could be a family of 5 and not have all of this pain and suffering. I know life isn’t easy but dang this is harder than anything I could have ever imagined.
Someone recently asked me, “Erik, knowing Jessie would have got cancer would you still have wanted to have kids?” Of course I said! I told them, “I had one goal in life…to be the daddy I never had.” I feel I got robbed of that goal with you but I know I did my best to love you and make sure you knew you were loved. I never wanted any of my kids to ever put there head on the pillow at night and wonder… “Does my dad love me?” I wondered that for many years growing up because my dad would beat me up most nights after drinking way to much.
I truly believe if you were here, you would agree you always felt loved by me. I truly hope Shaya and JT feel the same way. Being a daddy was my only goal and I hope I have scored an A. Not an A+ because I’m not perfect in any way. I have many faults and still live with guilt not giving you more of my time and attention growing up. But when I put my head on my pillow I have peace that I gave you love and made sure you always felt loved.
Enough about the sad stuff….It’s your birthday in 2 days! WOW!!!! 18 years old and not hear to celebrate it with us. So we are throwing a super BIG party with over 500 volunteers who are coming in over the course of 18 hours to stuff 1,800 JoyJars. That is so great! We have so many amazing people that just want to help celebrate you and spread JOY to kids fighting cancer.
We are also kicking off a super cool limited edition t-shirt campaign on Saturday. We picked two words that represent you…BRAVE and JOY. The designs are super cool and people can get them for a donation over the course of 18 days. I wish I could send some to Jessie Rees, C/O Heaven. 1 Heavenly Drive=))). That would be super cool to be able to mail you stuff. I wish God had allowed that for us grieving families.
Anyway…I got to go before I start to give myself time to really realize you still are gone and we have to celebrate another birthday without you.
Miss you so much….love you tons more! See you in a wink…Promise!
xoxo,
daddy
