My Jessie Journal: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I miss you so much. As Christmas approaches I have so many mixed emotions. This picture was the last one we took by the big tree in Fashion Island. Every time I go there I think of you. I want you back so bad!
I also have some mixed emotions about a new movie that is coming out with Will Smith called Collateral Beauty. It’s based off of him losing his daughter and finding a way to deal with his grief. He decides to write letters to Love, Time and Death. Then three people (Love, Time and Death) show up in his life and help him process his pain. It has me thinking, if I was to write letters to help me with my grief who would I choose? I think I would write to God, Hope and Joy.
I would write to God…Dear God, why? Why did this happen to Jessie, me, my family? I served you faithfully for 20 years as a pastor, I begged, pleaded and cried out for 10 months and 2 days to “heal Jessie” and you didn’t answer my prayer? Was this some sort of punishment? Were you trying to teach me something that I needed to learn in a very painful way? Why Jessie God? Why me? Why my family? I need answers! Please help me!!!
I would write to Hope…Dear Hope, I need you in my life more than ever before. I have lost by sweet Jessie to cancer and my life moves forward while my soul cries out in massive amounts of pain. Are you real Hope? Can your power soothe my pain? Can you give me a reason to keep going? I need you in my life really bad Hope. I need to know I will see Jessie again so I will hold on to your strength Hope. Will you help me?
I would write to Joy…Dear Joy, your name mirrors the middle name of my daughter Jessie who I have lost to cancer. I need you in my life in massive amounts to help me experience the same JOY I did when Jessie was with us. She was such a bright light and ray of JOY to me and so many. Are you real Joy? Will you shower me with your presence even when my eyes flood with tears and my soul cries out? I need you! Will you help me?
That is who I would love to show up in my life. I don’t know if I would be able to see all of the pain and loss as “Collateral Beauty” but I do know God, Hope and Joy would help me wake up everyday and maximize it! I know this because they have and will continue to be three of my healing agents. I don’t question GOD…I live with massive HOPE…and my life is filled with JOY all because of YOU!
Jess, I can’t wait to see this movie. I’m sure I will “cry like a baby” but that’s a good thing. Tears help repair broken souls in so many ways.
I LOVE YOU!!! See you in a wink, I promise!
xoxo
daddy
