My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy…I love you so much! I truly hope you get these and know that we are all missing you and love you. My minds says there is no way you get these but my heart says there is always hope. I print out all of my Jessie Journal’s so someday we can sit by a stream in Heaven and I can read them all to you. That would be fun…we can hold hands like we used to and you can lay your head on my shoulder like you used to.
I have been thinking a lot about this statement from this upcoming TV show called A Million Little Things. It starts in September so I don’t know the full storyline yet but in the previews there is this statement…
“As bad as this seems…there is good and you will find it.”
If someone would have said that to me a year ago I would have said you are crazy. Thankfully all of the counseling mommy and I have been to has helped me now see there is “good when you find it”.
At the start of this journey everything was “bad” so my heart could not accept there is good. I can even remember people telling me…it gets better with time. I thought back then…no way! Time does help on some levels and now I can see the “good” because people in my life have forced me to go “find it”. Yep, I will still cry at the most unpredictable times…I will still walk in your room and think about you…I will still look at photos and videos and have the hurricane of loss blow over me but I can now stand in all of these moments and say…“there is good”.
Please don’t get me wrong…there is NOTHING GOOD about cancer and I will forever hate it for what it has done. However, I still see good around me…
The good is mommy and I are still in love and married. The good is Shaya and JT are stronger than ever and move compassionate for others. The good is all you did and now continue to do. The good is amazing generous people choose to donate and use their hard earned money to help. The good is incredible volunteers show up all around the world to help. The good is over NEGU Nations and all they do every day for kids, sibs and families just by “liking” and encouraging.
The good is all of the people around the world that have taken the NEGU Challenge and are helping us raise $35,000 in honor of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. It’s been so crazy to see young and old…super famous and not so famous…professional athletes and young athletes…families and companies all accept and take the NEGU Challenge. I found this picture of you with your hands up as a little girl…brought back massive memories. Your smile still sinks my heart even if it’s just from a photo. I love and cherish being your daddy!!!
As we head towards fall, I will make sure to watch this new TV series and see how they find the good in the midst of pain, loss and grief. Never know what you can learn when your heart and mind are open.
My heart and mind will always be thinking and feeling YOU!!!
See you in a wink!