My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy=). I miss you so much and love you tons more. This week has started off kind of rough…it always does when we go on “vacation” and get reminded you are not physically with us. We were watching TV last night as a family and mommy comments, “Jessie loved those”. I forget what “those” were but we are always thinking about you.
It still hurts my heart when we make any type of reservations and then hear the person say…“Rees family, party of four”. I just want to say…NO! WE ARE A PARTY OF FIVE! But that wouldn’t be a nice thing to do so we stay silent and just live with the gut kick.
Our last family vacation with you was in August 2011. Dang…7 years ago!!! This picture was of you and I hanging out in the pool. You had finished your radiation and moved into what they call the “honeymoon” stage. Looking back that is the worst name for a stage of childhood cancer before the “go to Heaven” stage. They should call it the “make as many memories, take as many pictures/videos and say “I love you” 100 times a day stage”.
I have concluded life is a sum of memories and defining moments. Some memories become defining moments due to the “joy” or “pain” associated with them. Being on vacation with you was joyful. Watching you “move to heaven” was and will forever be the worst day of my life…way more than a memory…a defining moment, seared into my soul.
I still sit and think…“What would you look like at age 19?” Obviously beautiful, tan, fit…with those blue/green eyes and amazing smile=). I have searched over the years for those programs that age people based on uploading a picture. I just to scared to do it. I think it will hurt more than help so I just keep my picture of you as 12 years old in my heart, soul and mind. I miss you so much Jess!
Well, that caused the tears to start so I’m going to stop and go for my morning walk. I’ll talk to you more in a few minutes.
See you in a wink…PROMISE!