My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I can’t sleep so I’m up very early. I love you and miss you SO much. Sunday is Father’s Day, which is one of those “rip the scab” off days. I will do everything I can to embrace the day with as much love as I can muster for Shaya and JT while I hold on to memories of you!
This picture is still one of my favorites of all times with you….A father trying to comfort his daughter. It’s second to the day I held you for the very first time on April 8, 1999. That day my heart leaped with excitement and honor knowing I was now the daddy of two daughters. I loved knowing that you and Shaya were “daddies’ girls”. I found so much strength in being the father of two girls. I prayed every day for four things….that you would love God, be confident in who He created you to be…show compassion to others and He would give you a soul mate that would cherish you vs change you. I had to stop that prayer on 1/5/12 and that was so awkward for me after 12 years. Of course I still pray it for Shaya and a different version for JT.
I have learned that when you have deep unconditional love for someone you only think about…how can I care and comfort this person? That is it! There is no agenda to your love…just love in words and deeds. I think loving a child is the truest form of “unconditional love”. Any parent would do whatever is needed…whenever it is needed….forever long as it’s needed. That is the genesis of LOVE…give and not worry about receiving. Just give!
Jess, I tried with everything I had to care/comfort you whenever you needed it as for and as long as you needed it. I cherish those moments that I was able to comfort you with a hug, a cuddle or a kiss. I miss every one of them and hold on to them like oxygen to my soul.
I would pay anything in the world to hear you say…“Daddy, I love you”. I truly wish I had that on video. I was telling a dad the other day to record his daughter saying various phrases that he can cherish when she joins you. She has DIPG and statistics are not with her, which SUCKS! I so wish I would have captured more videos of your voice…thankfully I can still hear them in my mind when I look at pictures of you. If you want to visit me in my sleep and let me hear you tell me you love me that would be AMAZING…not sure that would happen as I’m not sure my heart and soul could take it. Please ask the God as He knows everything about me.
Jess…I miss you so much….love you tons more and promise to see you in a WINK!