My Jessie Journal: Hi Sweet Pea, it’s daddy! I hope this finds you smiling big and bright! Boy do I miss your smile!!! I finished reading your book again…I have done it each year since it was published in 2014. Yes, it draws be back into the muck but it also keeps me so close to you as I recall each day…each fear…each prayer…each photo…each trip to the hospital and every second we got with you. It also puts me in a funk but that is just the reality of losing a child…you have good days and you have funk days.
I know some people feel I should just “be over it” and “move on” but that will never happen. I will never be the same person I was on March 2, 2011. Our lives forever changed on March 3, 2011 and that is just the facts. I’m a totally different person now and I need to accept that and find peace in that. It’s not allows easy but there are more good days than funk days in my life now, which is a good thing!
Reading your book also made me so proud of YOU and all that you are still accomplishing on earth from Heaven. You and the Big Guy have helped us reach so many kiddos and create so many smiles…WOW! We celebrated your continued impact at the gala a few days ago. It was an amazing night in so many ways. Mommy, Shaya and JT spoke more this year and that was a great thing. My goal is to speak less each years and let them all speak more….only if they want to=). Maybe next year I should sit more because I will be the big 50…LOL. My mind feels 30 but parts of by body feel 50=).
I still wonder how you have aged now that you will be 19 very soon. This picture is the last picture we have of you looking like yourself. I know you are still beautiful, blonde, tan, fit, smart, caring, compassionate, kind and love puppies. Those characteristics will never change in my mind!
Speaking of your 19th birthday….We are throwing a two day stuffing party at the JoyFactory so we can stuff 1900 JoyJars over 19 hours. We will have over 300 amazing volunteers helping us. It’s so great seeing how the community rallies and supports your birthday each year. We are also putting 19 special toys in each one of your JoyJars. Each item has a special significance to you! For example, we have something “Disney” in each jar because you loved Disneyland.
Jess…you will forever be my Sweet Pea and I will forever hold on to you and our memories together!!!
See you in a wink!