My Jessie Journal:: Hi Sweet-Pea, it’s daddy. I miss you soooooooo much. I miss your smell, your hair, your hugs, kisses and smile. I miss holding your hand. I love this picture of us. I miss your pranks and your belly laughs. I miss you saying…”Hi daddy, how was your day?” I miss your sun soaked tan skin and your muscular little swimmer body. I just miss you. Some days I feel like I’m out of tears by the end of the day.
Last night I had the opportunity to speak to Young Women of Vision. It’s a great group of teenagers and their moms committed to being everything God made them to be. Guess what I shared about=)…YOU!!!! I challenged them to ask themselves the same question you asked mommy and I in the car after treatment back in April 2011. You asked…”When do all the other kids come home?” After my answer about kids having extended stays in the hospital the next five words out of your mouth have forever changed the tapestry of my life…you simply ask, “How can we help them?” I shared with the girls in the group how better the world would be if everyone asked themselves…”How can we help them?” I think they got the challenge…my goal was to plant seeds of compassion in their hearts.
I also got to share your story with another Olympic swimmer that you actually met during a big meet at the swim team. I showed her a picture of you giving her the award she had won. Seeing the picture made me cry but I recovered pretty quickly. I’m getting good and drying tears in milliseconds. She wanted to meet with me to talk about “rebranding” herself. Her award glittered career had come to an end and she was in need of clarity in her life. My challenge to her was to reflect on the your statement and more specifically finding a way to use her platform for good.
It made me think Jess, some people have big famous platforms and don’t use it for good then there are little people like you that want no attention and simply want to put smiles on faces. You always talked about the smiles you saw on kids faces after getting their fun filled JoyJars. I look at every picture posted or emailed in of kids smiling in their hospital beds and think of you. Their smiles makes me smile.
I love you so much Jess. I still can’t fathom how I’m going to get through the next 40 years without you physically by my side. Even as I type, my stomach is starting to tighten, it’s getting harder to shallow and these little drops of liquid drip off my nose. All because a father misses his sweet-pea.
Miss you tons…love you more…see you in a wink!